It's here again. Winter is upon us, regardless of what the calendars say, and what with the build up to Christmas not yet in full swing, the innumerable amount of viruses in the air and the constant spending on gifts for those whom we most hold dear, most people are feeling a little bit down. Not me, my birthday was on Friday. Yes it was lovely, probably better than yours anyway. Back on topic, we're all a little bit gloomy and could do with a hearty and well-thought-out method of cheering up. I don't have any well-thought-out methods, but here's fifteen I conceived off the top of my head, along with the obligatory marks out of ten. To keep up with the festive theme, imagine they're marks of good cheer or for the more negatively-minded of you, Death Stars:
1)
Turn up the heating and put on your Summer clothes.
6/10
2)
Peel a clementine using only your chin.
5/10
3)
Hold a door open for all the single ladies (all the single ladies) throughout your day. As soon as one of them fails to thank you for such an act of chivalry/politeness (dependent on your gender), grab her shoulder and simply shout 'pigeon' in her face repeatedly for as long as you can bear.
9/10
4)
Wrap up a body part festively and give it to someone you love.
(Depends on which body part you choose. No, not that one you disgusting beast)
5)
Write a line of Shakespeare in the snow.
8/10
6)
Turn off all the heating, remove all your clothes and pretend you're a feral child.
3/10
7)
Find something you've lost, then burn it for Winter fuel.
2/10
8)
Go carol singing with your family and break into freestyle jazz scat halfway through 'Away in a Manger'.
8/10
9)
Engage someone in a debate about the use of grammar in freshwater crabs.
2/10
10)
Learn all the words to a carol that seems to have inspired Harry Potter*.
7/10
11)
Open all of your Christmas presents in your sleep, then refuse to apologise.
6/10
12)
Rub the lotion on its skin.
0/10
13)
Perform 'A Christmas Carol' with a cardboard cut out of Michael Caine.
9/10
14)
Create armour plating out of soup tins and blu tack.
5/10
15)
Forward this page on to all of your friends.
10/10
*Alternative
