Obligatory Snow-Orientated Entry

It had to happen. Every blog must have an entry about snow at some point in tis existence (providing it exists through at least one Winter), so here it is.

So my college has shut its gates for the extra three days it was supposed to be open (and it's still unclear why they were to be open) and teenagers are let loose on the streets to frolick in the tundra. Or at least, I thought they would be.

The snow's fallen strangely this year, and for some reason it just doesn't want to stick together at all. That means no snowball fights, no snowmen, and most depressingly of all, no enormous phallic sculptures. Still, there's plenty to do indoors, and it's not as if it's that cold outside (or is it just me?), so you can still brave the Winters to get that packet of Hobnobs you so desire, you tubby bastard. For example, I just spent an evening with my brother and my dad. We started by reliving the old days playing Mario Kart 64 in all the modes and remembering just how unbalanced and ridiculous the whole game is and always will be.

A bit of nostalgia is good for you, but too much can lead to premature loss of hair and earlobes, so we decided to knock it on the head and watch District 9 after my brother made a comment about "f'kin Prawns". That's not a censor, that's how you have to say it. If you've seen the film you'll know what I mean. Unfortunately, we couldn't find it, but it just so happened that for my (recent) birthday, my brother had bought me Shallow Grave by Danny Boyle (a tip-top director and no mistake). After a whopping four seconds of deliberation, we removed the ham from the DVD player* and put the disc in.

What a film, Boyle really knows his stuff, but if you've seen it you'll know what I mean when I say that it's fine, didn't ever want to sleep again anyway.

So you see? You don't need ice tits or snow clitorises to enjoy the Winter. Gather 'round with your family and relive the old days when you weren't a hopeless failure (or too young to realise it). Light the fire, roast your chesnuts, baste your puddings. But most importantly of all, enjoy yourselves.

I don't know if I'll post another entry until after Christmas, so in case I don't, here's a merry Christmas from me and all the others behind Surface of the Sun. If you don't speak English, please choose the appropriate translation below:

Joyeux Noël
Fröhliche Weihnachten
Feliz Navidad
С Рождеством Хрисовым
Felix dies Nativitatis
メリークリスマス
Gleðileg Jól
ميلاد مجيد
Geseënde Kersfees
圣诞快乐
Nadolig Llawen

Any language I missed out (there's bound to be at least one), I'm sure you'll get my sentiment when I simply say:

Merry Christmas and an enormous thank you to everyone who has supported my blog over the months!

God bless us, every one!


*There's method in the madness

Chin Up

It's here again. Winter is upon us, regardless of what the calendars say, and what with the build up to Christmas not yet in full swing, the innumerable amount of viruses in the air and the constant spending on gifts for those whom we most hold dear, most people are feeling a little bit down. Not me, my birthday was on Friday. Yes it was lovely, probably better than yours anyway. Back on topic, we're all a little bit gloomy and could do with a hearty and well-thought-out method of cheering up. I don't have any well-thought-out methods, but here's fifteen I conceived off the top of my head, along with the obligatory marks out of ten. To keep up with the festive theme, imagine they're marks of good cheer or for the more negatively-minded of you, Death Stars:

1)
Turn up the heating and put on your Summer clothes.
6/10

2)
Peel a clementine using only your chin.
5/10

3)
Hold a door open for all the single ladies (all the single ladies) throughout your day. As soon as one of them fails to thank you for such an act of chivalry/politeness (dependent on your gender), grab her shoulder and simply shout 'pigeon' in her face repeatedly for as long as you can bear.
9/10

4)
Wrap up a body part festively and give it to someone you love.
(Depends on which body part you choose. No, not that one you disgusting beast)

5)
Write a line of Shakespeare in the snow.
8/10

6)
Turn off all the heating, remove all your clothes and pretend you're a feral child.
3/10

7)
Find something you've lost, then burn it for Winter fuel.
2/10

8)
Go carol singing with your family and break into freestyle jazz scat halfway through 'Away in a Manger'.
8/10

9)
Engage someone in a debate about the use of grammar in freshwater crabs.
2/10

10)
Learn all the words to a carol that seems to have inspired Harry Potter*.
7/10

11)
Open all of your Christmas presents in your sleep, then refuse to apologise.
6/10

12)
Rub the lotion on its skin.
0/10

13)
Perform 'A Christmas Carol' with a cardboard cut out of Michael Caine.
9/10

14)
Create armour plating out of soup tins and blu tack.
5/10

15)
Forward this page on to all of your friends.
10/10


*Alternative

You are the Elephant-Balloon Guys

First, apologies. It appears that due to my personal and educational life muddling up my mind, I have been lacking in supporting my lackies. You lot. Rest assured, I have not yet vanished, you need not despair. All I will say is that the ten minute challenge* has still not been completed as I promised, but I will get around to it eventually.

So what delights do I have for you today? It's simple really.

Relationships.

I know, I know, it's out there and it's far removed from my usual topics consisting of toast, tales and ridiculous lists, but bear with me, for I am about to delve into the unknown depths of my own personal life...

So relationships have always been something that I have relied on. Don't get me wrong, if I'm single I don't suddenly collapse inwards on myself and reduce to the size of a small garden pea, but it's not far from it. I love love. Love is one of those things that can keep you going through anything and everything, and one of those things that can shatter them as well. I can put my hand on my heart (no pun intended) and say that every relationship I have been in has ended up with one or both parties feeling like their innards are curdling, even if it's only for an hour or two, but the fact remains nonetheless, and this raises a question...

Why do we do it? Why do we love when it leads to heartbreak? For that, I don't have a conclusive answer, and I scoff at the idea that there is one. I was recently parted with someone, and it's because of them I suppose that I'm writing this more personal entry. Initially, I was absolutely mortified, and it still hurts now. But do you know what has made this so much easier? The fact that they haven't given up on me yet. We're not intimate any more of course, and there's no denying my love for them, but the fact that they still treat me as they always did gives me a great boost of confidence about the human race.

So many people part sourly, which is such a shame, because when you've been that close to someone, to be completely cut off is so much harder than still having contact. If you've got balls big enough and you're prepared to swallow your pride a little, things go rather swimmingly.

I'm not going to give myself false hope in that things may mend themselves between the two of us, and I'm not going to bombard everyone with clichéd tales of revelation and enlightenment. All I'm going to say is that if you can't work with the relationship, work with the friendship.

A little of something good is always better than nothing.


*Or given its new title: Duke Nukem Forever