These days with feminism on the rise, it seems that men are expected to prove just how manly they are, but still remain sensitive, caring, and most of all it seems, domesticated.
That's right lads, you've got to learn how to cook. But don't worry, there's nothing saying what or how you have to cook, so here's my how-to on making a manly meal for men who, like men, like women. Man.
It's simple really, you just have to remember the five steps of MANLY cooking:
Meaty
And
Nutritionally
Lacking
YEAH
Follow these guidelines to the letter, and soon you too will be a man of the kitchen. That's right, A MAN!
Still stuck? Not to worry, here are a few traditional recipes with a manly nipple twist to them to give you some inspiration.
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Chicken Chow Man
Cover chicken in batter
Deep-fry chicken
Head butt pan of water repeatedly to bring it to the boil
Spit rice in boiling water
Mix chicken & rice
Add gravel
Cover in salt & HP Sauce
Serve on corrugated iron
Muscle Stew
Boil own arm year-old chip fat for 30 minutes
Serve in cupped hands
Mansagne
Basic lasagne recipe with the following changes:
Replace mince with steak
Replace roux sauce with chilli sauce & Branston pickle
Replace pasta with photos of loved ones*
Serve
Leather Jacket Potatoes
Pick out the three largest, fluffiest and most delicate potatoes you can find
Galvanise potatoes
Cover in best-before 1981 olive oil and light
Build bonfire around potatoes and leave for thirty seconds
Climb into fire and retrieve potatoes
Serve with bark
Steel and Kidney Pie
Attack frozen steak and kidney pie with steel girders until sufficiently heated through
Serve
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Got your own recipe idea? Post a comment below or email me, and maybe (just maybe) I'll give it a go and post a review on a future update.
UPDATE: These lads have the right idea
*Of course (being a man), these will all be self-portraits
